In the past I tried to read some books about divorce. I wanted to know what are the chances to get a fair divorce. I do not mean to win any possessions, no money, no real estate, just simply get divorced and receive child support from my soon-to-be ex-spouse. Unfortunately I found out I was reading those books too late. I was already in the middle of divorce battle, paying too much for attorney's fees and the end to it was not even close. While reading those books I just realized that there is nothing I can actually do. Most men, have rights to their children, but very little obligations. I will explain but I have to go back to our marriage first.
You see, my spouse at that time was an alcoholic, who very often lost his temper. He had put himself in danger many times, he tried to kill himself by putting gun to his head. He kept saying it wasn't loaded. Well it was and I saved his life. I have pulled it away from his head on the last second, just in time when he pulled the trigger. In other occasions he kept locking himself in our bathroom with huge knife saying he will kill himself. I was trying to find a help, I googled some places to get a professional help with his drinking and suicides but he refused to go there or to even call.
He was also getting more angry towards me. Every now and then he was just calling me names, then started pushing me. But it was a very slow process and I didn't see it. During a day he worked hard as a roofer.He was self-employed and had few people working for him. I do have to admit he was really hard worker. That he was. But by the end of the day he was always drunk. On many occasions I had to wake him up next morning by splashing him with cold water so he could get up. The problem was I didn't see what he was doing. Somehow he pulled me in. I was not drinking but I was looking for excuses for him. It was always a bad day at work, arguments with someone about money etc. I felt sorry for him and had understanding and tried to help him. I was trying to be very supportive with his hard work and had understanding for his bad behavior towards me.
Meanwhile, he was trying to get me out of the circle of my close friends and family. And he succeeded. After a some time, I stopped talking to most of my friends and very often argued with my family over my spouse. Even though he had hurt them or me I would still be on his side. What a shame! Now I know how stupid I was. But he just knew how to manipulate me and I didn't see it. I was a thing that needed to do what he wanted, had to be there for him any time he asked, no one could be between us. No friends, no family, only few people he befriended and approved, those where the people I could talk to, unless he changed his mind and put them on list of the enemies. Most of his friends were his co-workers/drinking pals. They were at our house every day as early as 7 am before they went to work and than they were back after the work and just didn't know when to leave. They were all drinking a lot. My husband was getting more and more aggressive towards me as I started to be pushed away. There was lack of intimacy. I just couldn't even sleep with him in one bed. He was constantly drunk; how could I? He was calling me names, started to push me over, bullying me and later it was not enough so he started to get physical. Many times he was chocking me and demanded sex. All I could do was trying run to our son's bedroom ( our son was less then 2 years old) where I knew he wouldn't hurt me. He came to that room to sleep so I waited for him to fall asleep and then took our son and move with him to our bedroom to finally get some sleep. Sometimes I pretended I had some work to do, laundry, cleaning or anything, in the middle of the night and waited for him to finally for asleep and then I went to finally sleep. It was usually very late in the night and I was very tired.
One day he was so aggressive he hit me and I fell down and he started to kick me. I was in our son's room, thinking it was safe place, but it wasn't anymore. He started to kick me on the floor and our son woke up. My husband's brother was in our house, cause they were drinking that night together. He run into the room and pulled my husband away from me. They were fighting and arguing so I had a chance to call my brother to get us out of there. I just had a bath robe on my pajamas so I took my son from his bed and covered him in the bathrobe. My brother was there in few minutes. He got in our house as I opened the door while my husband was talking to his brother. But when he saw my brother was in the house he attacked him too and started to fight him and call my brother names too. My brother was able to get away from the punch and we run out from the back door. There was a friend waiting for us already in the car on our street. It was very cold, freezing temperatures in the middle of February. I tried to cover my son as much as I could. My brother and a friend drove us to my parents in the middle of the night. They were shocked to see us just in our pajamas.They were horrified to hear what happened.
But it wasn't over. My than husband drove totally drunk to my parents place that night. He woke up everyone in the apartment building, calling my family names, he woke up and frightened my son who cried so badly that night. We all were so scared. I was just stupid not to call police. I should have called. He would get DUI . But I didn't. How could I? He was my husband! Still being so blind. I didn't realiz how real this all was. I have made so many mistakes in my life. And it repeated so many times but I never called police on my husband, not even later in my life when he continued stalking me, harassing me and my family, he was constantly bothering us and harassing us and yet it took me another year to finally get order of protection.
It was too late. I did get the order of protection but that wasn't enough. He had enough of time to do so much damage to us, had enough of time to hide stuff; the order of protection has actually no use.
I should have done something right away when he was trying to kill himself, or when he was driving drunk. I haven't done anything. He is clean. And although I have order of protection to protect myself and my son as well, it is worthless, because he as my son's father, has the right to see our son every other weekend plus one day during the week following his weekends. Why? I ask> Why not? is the response. The father is clean, has no DUI, no proof he has suicidal thoughts, nothing was ever recorded.
Well not so fast. I do have some proof that he tried to kill himself. He wrote a letter to me. A good bye letter when I left him. He admitted his drinking problem, being alcoholic, and he admitted he tried to kill himself and that I saved his life. He also mentioned in the letter he was going to end his life again and asked to have his body buried in Poland next to his grandma. Does anybody cares at the court? No one. They still think that this dangerous man can be with my son without any supervision! Is this right? Of course not! But I can't do anything. He has his rights! No obligations though, as he decided not to pay child support since there was the order, but again no one cares. All I can do is keep coming to the court for hearings, for both, the visitations for my son and child support, and all I hear for the past 2 years is, thank you for your business, please come again. Last time at the court hearing I heard the judge saying that..." If she was really feeling that her child was endangered, she would have done something already..." Was the judge suggesting I should do something on my own? really? what? Any suggestions? Tell me what, judge, I will be more that happy to do it,!!!!!!! Well, maybe I am not strong enough to do something stupid, but most importantly I DID NOT LOOSE MY MIND to do something stupid, because I know that if I do, I will loose the custody of my son, and if that happens, how can I protect him then? That is why I keep coming to the court and keep asking judges at the court to please help us, to please protect us! But no one hears me until something bad really happens.
